Killian reflects on getting out of a broom closet
by OliviaBe
Summary: Companion piece to 'How Killian got into a broom closet'. Killian reflects on his conversation with an old man about a certain beautiful Swan. One-shot.


**DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING!  
Inspired by: 'Trouble' by Ray LaMontagne**

Killian Jones was sitting at the bar, nursing a rum, and contemplating his options. Having successfully escaped the closet (with a little help), in possession of flimsy green things called money (apparently quite a bit of it too), which was the currency of this land, and the location of the nearest harbor (and some strange advice from an odd old man); Killian had been on his way. But it was the advice the old man had given him that demanded contemplation. Normally he would do this at sea but seeing as how his ship was stolen and he did not want to commandeer one just yet, he was contemplating a certain Swan instead.

There was much to think about. She had bested him yet again. Stolen his ship but left his hook in the care of the old man; she had given him money, instructed the old man to tell him where the nearest harbor was. And to watch over him so he did not wake up alone. Almost as if she cared.

But alas! That was nearly impossible; her walls were thicker than that. Although, the old man had said something about-no, he cannot go there. It was only an old fool casting a fresh gaze on a situation he knew nothing about. But still, he had hinted at things that could only have come from Emma herself. But why would she-the most guarded person he had ever met-confide in an old man? And tell him, this Nathaniel Williams (a pretentious name to be sure), intimate things about her-his-their past that this Nathaniel was all too understanding. Killian was still trying to puzzle out their conversation, as he singled the barkeep for another.

_Their initial meeting did not have a very promising start. Killian had hurtled out of his captivity (a closet as he was later informed it was called) and onto the cold, hard, unforgiving ground. Which his body smashed into quite fiercely, knocking the wind out of him, leaving him dazed and confused. The face of a concerned, white haired, old man swan before Killian's eyes._

The old man was moving around Killian like an old hen, "Oh dear, oh dear. Captain…? Captain Hook? Are you alright?"

"How do you know my name?" Killian croaked out feebly, blinking stupidly up at the old man.

"Well…you are Captain Hook are you not? Speaking of your hook, I washed it for you. It had the oddest green substance oozing from it, it looked rather dangerous. I kept the remainder of the green stuff in a vile, in case you wanted it for something. I can't imagine why you would but if you wanted to keep something safe in your hook would be the place to do it. Oh look at me, just blathering on without a proper introduction. I am Nathaniel Williams, Landlord of the building and temporary protector of one, Captain Hook, charged me by a Miss Emma Swan."

Killian's eyes lit up at the mention of Emma but still looked completely out of it.

"Oh, dearie me. You are still quite lost aren't you, son? Maybe it would help if I told you what Emma told me to tell you. Now, what was it..? Oh, right. The Nearest harbor is several blocks from here, there is money in your pocket, the flimsy, green stuff, use it sparingly, there is quite a bit there. Don't be angry."

Killian frowned to this. How could he not be angry? He had been knocked out moments before finally being able to extract his revenge and watch his crocodile suffer and die like a mere mortal and his ship was gone! He had every right to be angry.

Nathaniel was too busy helping Killian to his feet and shuffling them towards his apartment to notice Killian's anger. Once there, he handed Killian a mug of tea and sat him on an overstuffed armchair that had so many pillows Killian had trouble finding room to sit. Nathaniel then sat himself on the chair opposite Killian completely oblivious to his guest's musings.

"No, that wasn't right. It was be careful. Yes, that's it! I am not sure if it is I with you or you with me, I suppose it could be both. But most likely I with you. She seems rather…fond of you. Oh, and Emma sends her love." Nathaniel finished with a satisfied smirk and Killian choked on his tea.

"What?" Killian shouted, spewing tea all over.

Nathaniel chuckled softly and was smirking as he looked thoughtful. "Actually, I might have made that last one up. You know what, in fact I did. But she didn't have to say it for me to see it."

Killian was still looking confused; and a little ashamed and hopeful. Nathaniel hated to crush his hope so he decided to pursue a different tactic. "So, Captain, what brings you to New York? Don't you try telling me Emma is the reason either. I am good at knowing when someone is lying to me."

Killian started in shock. He remembered hearing similar words from a certain blond beauty with brilliant wit and cunning. "Revenge," he answered shortly and bitterly with distaste.

Nathaniel looked thoughtfully at Killian before replying. "Not a very noble pursuit, especially when you are also attempting to woo a certain lass who has done nothing but protect you. Pity, I thought you might be the one to protect her as fiercely and loyally as she protects those she loves. But you are only out for your own selfish desires and have not thought of this woman who hid you to protect you from several people who certainly wanted you dead after you attempted to take one of their lives. And here I was hoping you would fight for her; show her you would do anything for her. Always be on her side, even if that includes being on the same side as your enemy just so you can protect her and know she is safe. To always put her and anything she needs above anything you could possibly want; to have her well-being be an ongoing almost all consuming worry; to never want her to shed tears of sadness ever again and prevent her from ever being sad or worried or being alone ever again. But I was wrong." With that Nathaniel stood as if to leave.

"You weren't," it comes out strangled and quiet and almost desperate but quite clear. "Her walls are reinforced with steel and stubbornness. I honestly can't tell which is stronger. Her will to keep those she loves safe or the determination to keep me out. Anytime I get close to seeing what truly lies underneath, her walls are stronger than ever and it is as if there was no headway to begin with".

"And you are just giving up?" Nathaniel was looking at Killian in a way that if he were a more superstitious man, he would think Nathaniel could see right into his soul.

"Of course not! A man unwilling to fight for what he wants deserves what he gets. I will never stop fighting for her. Whether she knows it or not." Killian was standing now as well.

"That's more like it. That sounds like a man who just might be worthy of her."

"No man is worthy of her. Least of all me. But I am willing to do everything I can to try to be. I am just not sure how to go about doing that…" Killian trailed off, not quite believing he had confessed his problems to a complete stranger. This had only happened once-twice- before. The first time he had been severely intoxicated and the second was with Emma…

Killian was lost in his own thoughts once again but Nathaniel was nodding his head in understanding. "If you want to earn her you have to stop living for yourself. You have to live for her. You cannot tell her you are doing so because she will either not believe you or be angry with you for undertaking such a serious thing only for her. Second, you need to give up revenge."

At Killian's outraged face, Nathaniel hurriedly rushed on. "When you love someone, you have to stop thinking in terms of what is best for you. You have to think in terms of what is best for the person you love and by extension everyone they love. Emma would be hurt if you took your revenge because I have a feeling Emma must protect this person you have sworn your revenge against, or, for some reason extracting your revenge would harm you. Unless of course, this person harms someone she loves, in which case I am guessing you would have to get in line behind Emma to destroy them. Besides, this person you wish to take revenge upon probably has already suffered greatly at the hands of fate. Karma is a bitch that way."

Killian sat in pensive silence. Thinking of the life of his crocodile. Rumplestiltskin had fallen in love again only to have her taken away when she 'died' after he had sent her away, and was forced to live with the heartbreak that her death was his fault for all those years. Only to have her forget who he was after they had just been reunited and now think he was crazy and trying to kill her. Maybe fate had made Rumpletiltskin suffer. Not enough as it should have but if he focused on Emma, what would happen with the crocodile would happen. Emma was the top priority now.

Nathaniel was smiling at him in an unnerving, almost understanding manner. He motioned Killian to follow him as he made his way into a room tightly packed with all sorts of clutter. Squishy chairs, overstuffed bookcases, papers and drawings littering every surface, and an assortment of knick-knacks and modern machines that Killian recognized from Stroybrooke filled the room. Nathaniel motioned to one of the areas free of junk, where upon rested Killian's sword, hook, and other possessions.

"Before you go, there is something you could do for me."

Killian looked inquisitively at the old man. He stopped midway of putting the remainder of the poison into his coat.

"Listen to this song," Nathaniel pushed something on one of the contraptions and music could be heard coming from it. "There is a bar down the street just in case, good luck Captain."

Killian stuck out his hand, "Killian Jones," he said as way of explanation. After all this man had done for him and the advice he had given, he deserved to know Killian's real name. Very few were given that honor.

Nathaniel smiled; he shook Killian's outstretched hand. "Nathaniel Williams, a pleasure," and with that he exited the room.

Killian listened as the contraption announced that the song was by a man called Ray Montagne and his trouble. Killian listened to the entire song before deciding he did in fact need a drink. He wondered how good the rum was in this world.

Back at present time…

Killian was lost in his memories when a familiar song began to play. Granted he had only heard this particular song for the first time earlier that very day but it rather adequately described his situation with Emma. He wondered if Emma knew this particular song, if not, perhaps he would have to introduce it to her. With a smile, Killian paid for his drink, leaving a generous tip and heading out in the direction of the harbor. He left Ray LaMontagne singing about his trouble with his woman. After all, Killian had his own woman to think and worry over, and it was about bloody time he did too.


End file.
